it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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