Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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