Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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