Dude my mom stole all your condoms
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
