god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
