i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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