everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
