Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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