Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
