I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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