whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
