if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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