sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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