we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
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besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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