flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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