fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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