The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
whose parrot is this?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
