Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
True strength comes from lack of pants
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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