my mouth tastes like poor choices
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
