I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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