OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
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He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
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In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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