Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
