he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
