I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I looked at my own cervix.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
