I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
