well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
