I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
