You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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