Taylor Swift is so right about you.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
