Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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