Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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