I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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