Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
