i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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