i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
