Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one