also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital