Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
