Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
