he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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