Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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