This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize