We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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