I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
