I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
