break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
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Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
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If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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