wanna go halves on a baby?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
