I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
