were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
