Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You can't special order awesome
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is exhausting
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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