I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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