If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
