well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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