Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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