His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
