actually, I'm a sock model
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
