I feel like I'm in dance class right now
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
