i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I need to sanitize my soul.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
