i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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