Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
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Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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