so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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