i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
