Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize