Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
