you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
