Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
